tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69592836091345009352024-03-04T22:26:20.980-08:00Ed Sikovfilm scholar / author / lecturerAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15608103653393478646noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-35210442308214993322016-12-08T14:10:00.003-08:002016-12-08T14:10:53.940-08:00Boutique Issues (sic)A boutique is where you buy “artisan pantyhose,” we are – thankfully – reminded.
“On TV, a commentator speculated that Mrs. Clinton had lost because of her party’s focus on things like trans rights —‘boutique issues,’ they were called. A boutique — a place where you’d shop for, say, artisan pantyhose — is not the first place I’d associate with an individual’s quest for equal protection under the law, but then what did I know? I was now one of the people from whom the country had been ‘taken back.’ The phrase echoed unpleasantly in my mind. A boutique issue? Is this what my fellow Americans had thought of my fight for dignity all along?”
This is Jennifer Finney Boylan writing on the op-ed page of the New York Times. I was particularly glad to see her there, given the extraordinarily offensive trans-blaming piece by Boylan’s fellow Columbia University professor, Mark Lilla (about which I wrote in the previous issue, which appeared in the Times first. (Technically, Boylan teaches at Barnard College, but Barnard is affiliated with Columbia; Barnard students receive diplomas from Columbia.) To my disappointment, Boylan didn’t blast her benighted, bigoted colleague but instead left his name and foolish, selfish argument tastefully out of her own commentary.
As Jim Naureckas of Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting (FAIR) points out, Boylan also left out any reference to the Times’ regular columnist Frank Bruni, who’d been interviewed by MSNBC’s Stephanie Ruhle the morning after the election.
Ruhle: “When many of the initiatives that represent Obama, when you think about LGTB initiatives, and it matters to so many people, many people could say, transgender bathrooms in high schools, how many people is that going to impact in this country? Not so many.”
Bruni: “I think in a lot of ways the Democratic Party has become this collection of boutique issues. That they think if you add them all together, you get to 51 percent or 52. But when you do those sorts of boutique issues, and you put all your firepower and all your rhetoric there, there’s a lot of the country that feels ignored. I really think the Democratic Party has to do some big soul-searching here.”
I was shocked by Bruni’s remarks, because he is, after all, a gay man who has written eloquently on subjects like LGBT rights, marriage equality in particular. Bruni apparently doesn’t consider marriage equality – or any issues of vital importance to gay white men – to be a “boutique issue,” whereas the much more personally intrusive issue of bathroom legislation, which criminalizes the use of a bathroom labeled for a gender other than the one listed on one’s birth certificate, is somehow so parochial that it gets stamped as “boutique.”
But consider the implications of such laws. Even people who have surgically altered their bodies and conform in every way to sex and gender expectations would be forced to use the wrong bathroom, and if they didn’t, they would face arrest and all the attendant humiliation.
A boutique issue? Really, Frank?
“It seems likely that the omission of Bruni’s name — a familiar one, of course, to regular readers of the Times op-ed page — was a deliberate choice,” Naureckas writes.
Of course it was. The best way to make sure that your letter to the editor gets tossed in the trash by the Times is to criticize the Times or any of its writers. For example:
Wrong: “To the editor: David Brooks is a pig-headed idiot when he writes, ‘blah blah blah….’”
Right: “To the editor: David Brooks makes many good points when he writes ‘blah blah blah,’ but his take on one teensy-weensy issue is misguided.”
I’m all but certain that the Times actively discourages their opinion writers from criticizing other Times opinion writers.
But to the real point: the idea that transgender rights turned off a lot of uneducated straight white people is unfortunately probably accurate. It comes as no surprise to find that bigotry runs very deep in America. So are we now supposed to forget our morals and drop our politics and go cravenly chasing after uneducated straight white people for their votes? What’s the point of getting somebody to vote for your candidate if it means throwing your own values out the window?
Talk about a pyrrhic victory.
In any case, the overthrow of North Carolina’s bigot governor, Pat McCrory, indicates either that trans-friendliness is not in fact the “boutique issue” that brought down Hillary Clinton or that the trans community’s corporate and sports-organization friends, who brought palpable economic pressure to bear on North Carolina (PayPal, the NBA, the NCAA, Google, and others), successfully changed voters’ minds about the wisdom of legislating bathroom use.
Or both.
“An attitude toward biology.” In an inadvertently hilarious Times piece called “What the Alt-Right Really Means,” Christopher Caldwell explains that “the word ‘racist’ has been stretched to cover an attitude toward biology, a disposition to hate, and a varying set of policy preferences, from stop-and-frisk policing to repatriating illegal immigrants. While everyone in this set of groups is racist in at least one of these senses, many are not racist in others [my emphasis]. Not many of the attendees at the Washington gathering favored the term ‘white supremacist.’ The word implies a claim to superiority — something few insisted on. ‘White nationalist’ is closer to the mark; most people in this part of the alt-right think whites either ought to have a nation or constitute one already. But they feel that almost all words tend to misdescribe or stigmatize them.”
Oh, boo-hoo! The poor neo-Nazis are feeling stigmatized! They’re not really white supremacists! They’re really white nationalists. I’m so glad we’ve cleared that up.
The sentence and phrase I emphasized are total balderdash. Why do people support stop-and-frisk policing despite its statistically confirmed concentration on black people? Why are some folks so intent on repatriating illegal immigrants? And “an attitude toward biology”? What attitude could that be, Chris? Enlighten us, please. “Most people in this part of the alt-right think whites either ought to have a nation or constitute one already.” Um, isn’t that because they think whites are superior to everyone else? It’s really very simple: if you support a racist policy like stop-and-frisk, you are a racist. If your attitude toward biology has anything to do with seeing blacks as inferior to whites, you are a racist. It is not unfair to call racist white people racists.
It reminds me of an old family story. Some time in the 1930s, my grandfather was listening to an acquaintance voicing pure, vicious anti-Semitism in no uncertain terms. Finally my grandfather said, “You know that I’m Jewish, right?” Without missing a beat, the acquaintance replied, “Yeah, but you’re a white Jew.” I don’t think he was distinguishing my grandfather from our Ethiopian coreligionists. No, he was employing white as a synonym for all that’s good in the world. Just like the racist, white supremacist, neo-Nazi alt-right does every minute of every day.
Follow @EdSikov on Twitter and Facebook.
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-35920526027350621022016-10-15T08:44:00.000-07:002016-10-15T08:44:32.093-07:00The Times prints "Fuck," Neanderthal Response to Gay Marriage, and Morehttp://gaycitynews.nyc/trump-tape-changes-times/Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-13467467807782415472016-10-05T13:40:00.003-07:002016-10-05T13:40:53.269-07:00Fuck You, Milo Yiannopouloshttp://gaycitynews.nyc/la-commedia-non-e-finita/
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-21983611577318932372016-09-20T05:53:00.001-07:002016-09-20T05:53:35.532-07:00Hoax! Four Truly (or Falsely) Great Literary Hoaxeshttps://litreactor.com/columns/hoax-4-truly-or-falsely-great-literary-fraudsEd Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-36611987649664495892016-09-20T05:51:00.000-07:002016-09-20T05:51:28.881-07:00Ding, Dong, She's Dead and All Thathttp://gaycitynews.nyc/ding-dong-shes-dead/Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-68989134470627984092015-10-02T12:00:00.001-07:002015-10-02T12:00:38.370-07:00When Critics Are Assholes: 8 Great Books That Got Slammed<a href="https://litreactor.com/columns/when-critics-are-assholes-8-great-books-that-got-slammed">When Critics Are Assholes: 8 Great Books That Got Slammed</a>Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-35821717214396001422014-10-31T07:06:00.002-07:002014-10-31T07:06:52.556-07:00More Ebola BSThe whole Ebola panic has really gotten under my skin. Today's outrage is a paragraph in a <i>New York Times</i> article that reads:<br />
"But there were also governors with wide leads in their races [Cuomo NY and Brown CA] who have imposed strong measures. That suggests, political analysts said, that governors from both parties are worried about potential political damage should their states appear unprepared for an outbreak."<br />
First: "strong measures." What does the <i>Times</i> mean by "strong?" The measures are idiotic, anti-science quarantines that pander to the ignorance of a dumb-ass population. That's not "strong" - it's asinine,<br />
Then: "appear unprepared" - appear<u> </u><i>to whom</i>? Again, it's the dumb-ass population that's running the show here. Preparedness in fact means training health care workers to identify possible Ebola patients, and training the population to recognize and accept the facts of science. It does not mean elevating willfully stupid people to the position of policymakers.<br />
This is truly scary, folks. We know how Ebola is transmitted. We know the science of Ebola. It is not an open question; it's settled science.<br />
What happens when something we <i>don't</i> know about appears? It will be chaos, a complete breakdown of civil society, and civil liberties will disappear faster than you can say <i>quarantine.</i> <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15608103653393478646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-43283523741255632922013-07-20T10:47:00.002-07:002013-07-20T10:47:30.284-07:00New Music On the WayI'm excited to announce that my first album as executive producer is about to be released. It's called <i>The Would-Be Plans,</i> and the artist is my old friend Jimmer Podrasky.<br />
<br />
It's in a music genre with a variety of names - No Depression, Americana, etc. I particularly like the No Depression moniker, given the fact that Jimmer and I are both depressive by nature. But his music is anything but. It's really, really great stuff, and I'll keep you posted as to when and how you can buy the album.<br />
<br />
Jimmer, by the way, is/was the frontman for the band the Rave-Ups, who are possibly best known for the single "Positively Lost Me."<br />
<br />
Just wait till you hear the new stuff! I'm so proud I could spit. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15608103653393478646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-8953018068241936122013-03-21T05:45:00.000-07:002013-03-21T05:46:56.958-07:00An E-Z Mojito<style>
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El Nuevo Mojito</div>
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<br /></div>
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Put fresh, washed mint leaves into
a shaker with ice, and add a few drops of simple syrup and a few drops of lime
juice. Pour in as much rum as you like; any type will do, since the mint and
lime will cover up any of the rum’s subtleties. Shake hard and serve.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
[Notes:
1. Most recipes call for muddling the mint with a muddler or a fork. I say
phooey. It’s a waste of energy, and the result is that you’ll end up with bits
of mint stuck to your teeth. 2) If you use the repulsive Captain Gorgon’s
“spiced” rum—the “spice” is obviously arsenic—I’ve got a voodoo doll with your
name on it.]<br />
<br />
This recipe and many others can be found in <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, an eBook available for nook, kindle, and iBooks. Buy it! </div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-66823074413736583502013-03-04T07:19:00.000-08:002013-03-04T07:28:27.881-08:00Pomegranate Cocktail<style>
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
Pomegranate Molasses? Are You Kidding?</div>
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
The original recipe, as noted in
the story chapter, was much more complicated and called for, among other
things, pomegranate molasses. Don’t be silly! All you need is that pomegranate
juice they sell in that funny looking bottle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
The Pomegranate Cocktail</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1 jigger vodka</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Pomegranate juice cocktail to taste</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Pour vodka over ice in a glass, and
add as much (or as little) pomegranate juice as you like. Easy!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>This recipe can be found in <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, an eBook avaialble for kindle, nook, and iBooks.</b></div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-20561195815972474152013-02-25T07:53:00.003-08:002013-02-25T07:53:42.199-08:00A Cocktail Called "The Booger" (I am not making this up)
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
They Hate Me. They
Really Hate Me.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
was trying not to take it personally. Really. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 99.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
Okay,
I was taking it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">extremely </i>personally.
Why else had they all called to say they’d be at the house in time for dinner
on Friday but no earlier? Therefore no cocktail hour(s). I admit it: I’m an
out-of-control control freak. I was making a perfect meal: Bobby Flay’s
barbecued salmon; Israeli couscous, which I was spiffing up with saffron and
grill-roasted red peppers; and a salad (from a bag—I can be lazy about salads).
We would start with Pernod from the freezer, and dessert would be a
delightfully thick and creamy drink made to order—my favorite dessert cocktail.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; tab-stops: 99.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
Then
it hit me: they were avoiding what I claimed was that week’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cocktail du weekend</i>. Aw, man—it was
obviously a joke!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d sent out an email
claiming—stupidly, I now realize—that I’d found an obscure drink recipe and
would be making it on Friday. It was called the Booger.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
Booger was duly repulsive: ½ part banana liqueur, ½ part coconut rum, and ½
part Midori. As if this combo wasn’t wretched enough, Boogers get topped off
with Bailys Irish Cream. Shake with ice. Strain. Drink. Vomit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Bogus
Boogers drove them away! The puppies, Robbie and Kyle, both said they were
meeting friends for drinks at low tea. (Wasn’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Palatino Italic";">I</span></i> their friend?)
Craig preferred Top o’ the Pines; he was meeting Paolo there for martinis. Even
Dan said he was stopping at BarHarbor for a Pernod on the rocks before coming
home. Did none of them have a sense of humor? At least Kyle apologized before
bailing on me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Dan
arrived around 8:30. “Where are the snot shots?” he asked pleasantly. A growl
was my reply. He turned away from me toward the stairs, and I lost it. “Do you
really think I’d make that shit?” I barked. His face took on that stricken look
he gets when I bawl him out for something he doesn’t understand. Then I felt
guilty. “It was just a joke, sweetie. A bad joke. You know me. Would I ever
make a Booger?” “You just might,” he said. “As some sort of revenge.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
other guys staggered in around 9:30, all totally plastered. The barbecued
salmon was gummy. The couscous clumped. Only the salad was any good, and that
was because it was still in the bag. I was seething. We ate in silence. The
puppies were too drunk to talk; Craig was too caught up in his food; Paolo was
visibly frightened of me and my temper; and Dan knew he was already on thin
ice. We both hated dinners like this; we called them “Night of the Living
Drunks.” So I refused to make the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">cocktail
du weekend</i>. The Brandy Alexanders would have to wait.</div>
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-58911239247672765202013-02-24T13:56:00.001-08:002013-02-24T13:58:55.216-08:00THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER<style>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 24.0pt;">The Perks of Being a Wallflower</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>As the
Oscars are being handed out tonight, as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lincoln</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Argo</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Silver Linings Playbook</i> snap up the little gold guy who has no cock
or balls, I’ll still be on a high from having experienced far and away my
favorite movie of 2012: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Perks of
Being a Wallflower</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There have
been those in my life who have convinced themselves that as a film historian
and critic I take too analytical a perspective – that I don’t get sucked up
into movies the way, say, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they</i> do.
The ridiculousness of this charge would be clear had
any of these folks been in my living room with me this afternoon. Rarely have I
burst into such intense, wrenching tears during a film as I did today. I was
utterly blown away. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s about
a fucked up kid, see, who wants to be a writer. He’s growing up outside of
Pittsburgh, and he reads books like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">On
the Road</i> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Catcher in the Rye</i>,
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Walden</i>, and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To Kill a Mockingbird</i>. His friends are fellow misfits. He counts
every day of school because he so desperately wants to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gone</i>. His English teacher understands him and encourages him and
gives him his own copies of books to read, and he reads them despite the
shitty girl who sits next to him in class and calls him “jag off.” He gets high
and says hilarious things that surprise everybody because he’s otherwise so
quiet. His spirit soars when he goes through the Fort Pitt Tunnel and gets
blasted by the shockingly beautiful lights of the city when the tunnel ends. There is hope after all - freeing, erotic, <i>living </i>hope.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I haven’t related so powerfully to a movie and watched with such raw emotion
since <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Night of the Living Dead</i>.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-6957380505753168312013-02-22T08:40:00.002-08:002013-02-22T08:40:30.066-08:00An Old Fashioned Old FashionedFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, an eBook for kindle, nook, and iBooks. This book is so cheap you can't even get a drink for the price of it. Now really, gang - that's a deal!<br />
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The Old Fashioned</div>
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Put an orange slice in the bottom
of a glass, add a bit of Really Simple Syrup*, and muddle (press the orange
with the back of a fork). Pour in some bourbon, whiskey, or rye, add a few
drops of bitters. Stir. Add ice. Serve. Forget the cherries unless you’re under
12.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
*Really Simple Syrup: add equal
amounts of sugar and water to a jar. Shake.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-38106205461249955002013-02-21T05:59:00.001-08:002013-02-21T05:59:41.483-08:00What Ever Happened to the Vodka Stinger?From <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. Buy me, you'll like me!<br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
What Ever Happened to
the Vodka Stinger?</div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>No,
it’s not living in a large but nondescript house in greater Hollywood with its
long-suffering handicapped sister, the Moscow Mule (“Butcha <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i>, Mule! Ya <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> in the dustbin of cocktail history!”). It’s just vanished from
the cocktail “in” list the way Fioruccci and Charivari both simply disappeared
one day from the Upper West Side of Manhattan. Cocktails have fashion lives,
just like movie stars and clothing stores. One day it’s Kix then you’re Kix in
trash bins; but the planet spins… Some become superstars, as timeless as John
Wayne or Bette Davis—the Martini, the Manhattan. Some have short, comet-like
lives and burn out in what seems like a matter of moments—Carole Landis, Rory
Calhoun.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
vodka stinger is in the flaming comet category. At the time Stephen Sondheim wrote
the great, bitter anthem of cosmically empty, wealthy women “The Ladies Who
Lunch,” with which Craig cracks up Ed and Dan with his reference to the song,
which in reality ends with the word “rise,” but which Craig transforms into
“rye,” the vodka stinger was in its zenith. Everybody was ordering them all the
time. (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Company </i>opened on Broadway in
1970; I don’t know precisely when Sondheim wrote the song.) (Pedant.)</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>So
what, you say? Well, it was mostly a travesty in terms of taste. It’s not that
vodka stingers taste bad—they’re a bit overly minty as far as flavor is
concerned—but they’re by no means before-dinner drinks. Why not? Think of it
this way: they kill the palette as fast as a drink made with Scope.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>A
decent vodka stinger consists of one part vodka and one part white <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">crème de menthe</i>. As the recipe at the
end of this chapter notes, it is a criminal offense to use green crème de
menthe; you are not celebrating St. Patrick’s day; you are drinking a great
cocktail currently and sadly in reduced circumstances. Think about it. Would
you be so tacky as to pop a few Tic-Tacs in your mouth as you enter that gastronomic
temple, Per Se? Of course not. They would send such blazingly minty signals to
your brain that it wouldn’t recover for the first three courses.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Would
you pop a few Chiclets in your mouth before beginning your $400 per person
sushi extravaganza at Masa? I thought not. </div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The
why, oh Lord, did drinkers of the 1970s think it oh-so sophisticated to wreck
their ensuing meals by demanding vodka stingers all around as they perused
their sprouts-ridden menus? Believe me, they did. I was but an impressionable
youth at the time, but I was still appalled. I saved my vodka stingers for
later, when I craved sweets after engaging in the other ‘70s post-prandial
pastime, but even then if there were brownies or M&Ms around, I’d go for
those first. Wouldn’t you? Or: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Don’t you?</i></div>
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Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-7175642023051672502013-02-20T07:31:00.000-08:002013-02-20T07:31:13.544-08:00A Shot 'n a Beer, Pittsburgh StyleFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. Why don'tchoons buy it, huh?<br />
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A Shot ‘n a Beer</div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span>Youns jus'
take a coupw o’ shot glasses dahn from ‘e cupboard ‘ere ‘n put ‘em ahn ‘e
cahn’er. N’en youns fiw ‘em with some kahn’a whiskey an’ serve it with Ahrn
Citys, an’ ‘at’s a Shot ‘n a Beer for a coupw peopw. It’s reaw simpw.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This
was my blighted youth.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-48257903743839574892013-02-18T21:56:00.001-08:002013-02-18T21:56:57.378-08:00The Truth About Absinthe!
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitleCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
From <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol,</i> an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks; if you like what you read here, buy the friggin' book! It's less than a cab ride for three blocks!</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoTitleCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoTitleCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoTitleCxSpFirst" style="text-align: center;">
Chapter 8</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoTitleCxSpLast" style="text-align: center;">
Wormwood: We
Need It Like We Need Holes in Our Heads</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
But perhaps we do
need holes in our heads. If the human need for alcoholic intoxication, pot
highs, coke flights, pain killer mini-vacations, and heroin escapes are any
indication, we need to carve out those chunks of our brains that make us
unhappy—metaphorically at least. I mean, nobody—least of all me—is advocating
driving nails into our craniums. (Leave lobotomies to the experts—that’s my
motto.) But I believe we should have the right to eliminate those portions of
our brains that keep us in emotional squalor, send us into inexplicable crying
jags, ruin our days and nights with pointless encounters with drab reality
(feh!), and keep us miserable when we could be floating on a cloud of bliss,
however temporary. Reality is overrated. Way.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Absinthe
provides the perfect solution. It’s an herbal concoction—and nobody objects to herbs
these days, judging by what they put in shampoos and organic deodorants—that the
makers then improve greatly by storing it in wormwood. Spoilsports of the past,
the usual array of fun-busters like temperance leagues and concerned scientists
for the welfare of humans and similar groups of misguided meddlers succeeded in
outlawing absinthe in the United States, forcing only the most renegade travelers
to risk arrest and prosecution by buying it in what used to be known as
Czechoslovakia and stuffing it in particularly stinky underwear and bringing in
clandestinely through customs.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In
2007 absinthe was finally made legal again to import into the United States,
and those of us who had waited for so long to sample the notorious
brain-ruining substance were at last free to do so. Some of us wasted no time
wasting our brain cells.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Absinthe
can be used in cocktails such as the Sazerac, as in the accompanying story
chapter, but it also has its own druggy ritual to give it that extra dose of
either attraction or mortification, depending on your attraction or opposition
to drugs—I’m specifically thinking of crack and heroin here, folks, so this
does require taking a potentially <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">very</i>
unpopular stand; none of that wishy-washy “grass is okay” bullshit here.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There
are two main methods for turning absinthe into a druggy ritual. In the old
fashioned method, known as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">la </i><span class="hps"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">méthode française</span></i></span>, a slotted
spoon is placed on a glass in which a certain amount of absinthe has been
poured, and a sugar cube is placed on the slotted spoon. You then drip ice
water over the sugar cube until the glass contains approximately 1 part absinthe
to 3 to 5 parts water. The absinthe clouds as the water mixes with it, just
like the greatest drug ever invented, the
now-impossible-to-procure-under-any-circumstances paregoric. (Note: If anyone
has a source for paregoric, no matter how extra-legal, please find me on the
internet and contact me at once!) It’s fussy and fun and you get to play with
your drink—you and your absinthe-drinking pals sit hunched over your drinks as
though you’re preparing crack balls or highballs or jimcracks or whatever
they’re called—all of which lend a highly disreputable quality to the
proceedings.</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>But
a newer, even more faux-dangerous ritual has developed among absinthe
connoisseurs. <span class="hps"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">La méthode</span></i></span><span class="shorttext"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></i></span><span class="hps"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">de bohème</span></i></span><span class="hps"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> does </span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">la </i><span class="hps"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">méthode française </span></i></span><span class="hps"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">one better by involving fire. Now we’re really talking crackballs! Theoretically,
if you’re not careful, it could blow up in your face; this adds a truly
frightening element to the ritual—shades of Richard Pryor. We begin with the
same slotted spoon bit, but this time the sugar cube is soaked in Absinthe and
set on fire. Before the fire burns out the spoon is flipped over and hopefully
the whole glass of Absinthe goes up in flames. You then dump in a bit of water
to cloud the drink and extinguish the fire. Unfortunately, as dramatic as this
method may be, most of the alcohol is burned away, so I say phooey. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span class="hps"><span lang="FR" style="mso-ansi-language: FR; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>For my money, the best way to enjoy
boring a hole in your head with wormwood-based Absinthe is to drink it
straight. It’s such a pretty color (the gay take on the subject), and if you
get a little morose as one is prone to do having had too much Absinthe, just
remember the immortal words of Scarlett O’Hara: tomorrow is another drink.</span></span></div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-17178689570445870202013-02-18T07:39:00.003-08:002013-02-18T07:39:54.993-08:00A Novel with Recipes From <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, en eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. If you like this story, but the book! And remember, sports fans, this is <b><i>fiction:</i></b><br />
<br />
<b><i>
</i></b><br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: solid #4F81BD 1.0pt; border: none; mso-border-bottom-themecolor: accent1; mso-element: para-border-div; padding: 0in 0in 4.0pt 0in;">
<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
Jack Fogg Rolls In</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>An afternoon
in June. Under a bright blue dome of a sky, boys paraded around like Speedo
models and dressed accordingly. Cher’s “Believe” wafted through the air from
two different houses, off sync. Since it was only Thursday, our witless but
ever-giggling, wretchedly visible neighbors weren’t in residence yet. In a
blazing stroke of architectural stupidity, our outdoor shower directly
overlooks their deck. I’d done some heavy yardwork, and without the annoying
onlookers—they either cheered or booed depending on the drugs they were on—I
washed off in solitude under our outdoor shower. There’s also a clean shot to
the front gate, which opened, to my horror, just as I was washing my most
rarely-seen-in-public region. Jack Fogg waved a cheery hello, raised his
eyebrows, and disappeared into the house. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Where’s
Sammy?” I asked when we met again upstairs, I having scooted into some gym
trunks, Jack into his standard Madras shorts. “Don’t mention that name,” he
snarled. “Yesterday I caught him—in my own bed—with the Indian delivery boy!” I
tried to look sympathetic, but the mental image was like Spanish Fly. “He had
the balls to tell me he had a craving for chicken vindaloo!’ It’s happened
before. Sammy’s insatiable. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But the
delivery boy?!</i>”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Classic!
Harvard ’89 was offended not by Sammy’s cheating but by the trick’s caste! I
said nothing but “You want a drink?” “Sure—what are you mixing?” “I dunno.
Let’s see what we have.” I found some bourbon while Jack leaned into the open
refrigerator. “Voila!” A hand emerged clutching a plastic lemon. “If there’s
sugar I’ll make bourbon sours.” “Snap to!” I barked. My command pulled Jack out
of the fridge with a faint blush. “Syrup! Not sugar!” “Yes, sir,” he replied,
his cheeks reddening, and swiftly made us the most enormous bourbon sours I’ve
ever seen. Sours go in 5-ounce glasses. Jack Fogg’s required 12-ounce tumblers.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I plunked down on the couch. Jack Fogg
plunked down right next to me. We clinked. “Cheers!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I still
harbor a robust jealousy toward Jack Fogg. He’s well built and handsome and an
Ivy League A-lister, whereas I’m Shrimp Boy from a two-bit town north of
Pittsburgh who went to a college nobody’s heard of. But there I was in gym
trunks getting blotto next to an equally shirtless Jack Fogg, who, noticing
that I kept glancing at his blond chest hair, actually flexed. “These things
are mighty fine!” I declared after emptying my glass.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Which?” he said with a leer. “The drinks or my pecs?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Time began to careen: Jack returning with
two more flagons of bourbon sours… guzzling them while rating our housemates’
dicks…Jack’s hand stroking my inner thigh…My head was spinning but the rest of
me remained in firm control as I grabbed his wrists and leaned into him with
enough force to pin him on his back with his arms over his head. Miracles occurred.
Then I urged him onto his belly. So much shorter am I than he, I accessed his
entire backside with ease and pulled down his Madras shorts, revealing his
fuzzy perfection. Reader, I porked him.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-17225679615412736872013-02-18T05:37:00.001-08:002013-02-18T05:37:10.367-08:00The Daquiri - You Don't Need to Buy a Ready-Mix
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 200%;">From <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBook. Buy me - you'll like me. </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 200%;">The Daiquiri</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Given this drink’s utter simplicity, it’s inane to buy frozen
Daiquiri mix. For one drink:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
1.5 oz. white rum</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
1 tsp. superfine sugar</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Lime juice equal to the juice of 1 and a half juicy fresh
limes</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Put the ingredients in a shaker, shake briefly, and serve. Do
not over-shake. It’s a simple, fresh drink. Treat it accordingly.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-9827664665210119722013-02-16T23:03:00.001-08:002013-02-16T23:03:43.780-08:00ZERO DARK THIRTYI don't read much about current films. Don't have the stomach for it. But I get the impression there was some discussion of the fact that ZERO DARK THIRTY suggests that waterboarding led to the killing of Osama bin Laden, and that the Powers That Be say that this was not the case.<br />
<br />
This is, as they say in Italy, bologna.<br />
<br />
The film presents the waterboarding sessions as being obliquely connected to Osama's death, first of all. The path that the waterboarding interrogations takes leads to a dead end.<br />
<br />
But even if it didn't lead to a dead end, the fact is that the US used waterboarding - torture - to get information. If the film had left that unpleasant detail out it would have been a big fat lie.<br />
<br />
I heard one film critic on TV claim that Bigelow was "an amoral director." Again - bologna! She's practically the only director who cares about morality. That she doesn't shoehorn life into a comfortable moral allegory is to her credit. ZERO DARK THIRTY is just about the only film I've seen in years that asks its audience to question itself: is torture justified by the end result?<br />
<br />
Me? I'm glad Osama got his head practically blown off, and I feel nothing for his bereaved wife and children. He's a mass murderer, and he got what he deserved.<br />
<br />
ZERO DARK THIRTY makes me question my opposition to torture. I went into the film convinced that it was unequivocally evil. I came out wondering.<br />
<br />
That, folks, is great filmmaking.Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-91839824703947393152013-02-16T09:15:00.002-08:002013-02-16T09:15:48.809-08:00The Story Behind The Aviation recipeFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. Go ahead and buy it, cheapskates!<br />
<br />
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Heads in the Clouds</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“So,
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mutatis mutandis</i>, the LGBT
community…” Ted was lecturing about marriage equality from his podium on our
living room couch.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What</i>?” I blurted. Cocktail “hour” was
pushing 90 minutes. I should have served the lamb stew and couscous already,
but I couldn’t get out of the chair.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“The
gay community must shift its praxis from the dystopian to the…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“No,
before that. You said ‘mucous mucandies.’ What the hell does that mean?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“You
have a Ph.D. and you don’t know what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mutatis
mutandis </i>means?” Ted was appalled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Fuck
you,” I explained.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We’ve
been doing this for years. We’re all academics or ex-academics. Dan has three
degrees—B.A., MBA, and Ph.D., all from Harvard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have a Ph.D. from Columbia; Ted has one from Princeton and teaches at
NYU; his partner, Eric, has an M.F.A. from Columbia and taught at Wellesley but
now writes screenplays that actually get made into movies. You may have caught
the farcical <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brainiacs </i>on cable; Eric
wrote it. This dinner party demonstrated where he got his material.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
were flying on Aviations. I was in a vast liquor emporium on the Upper East
Side last week (I rarely go up there, since I’m deathly allergic to cashmere
sweaters and simple strands of pearls) and saw <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Crème de Violette</i> on the shelf with a little printed recipe for the
Aviation. Maraschino, was nearby. I bought both.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>By
Maraschino, I don’t mean the syrup in which innocent cherries are drowned in
artificially flavored, carcinogenically colored sugar water so children can
have their first drug rushes. I mean the clear cherry liqueur, which Italians
make from Marasca cherries and their crushed pits. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Et la Crème de Violette</i>? Yes, it’s really made from violets and
thus wins the title of The Gayest Liqueur Ever, there being no <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Crème de Pansy</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
played around with the recipes I found online at the marvelous blog
www.sippetysup.com, where I learned that the drink has the reputation of being
a 1930s cocktail, but it actually dates from 1916, when only a few people had ever
seen an airplane, let alone flown in one. In those days, flying into the sky in
a technological wonder seemed miraculous. The Aviation celebrates that magic.
It has by far the loveliest color of any cocktail I’ve ever seen—watercolor-pale
lavender. And it’s extraordinarily luscious. Now that air travel is like taking
the bus, except that the bus is on time, the airplanes’ early thrill is long
gone. Unless, of course, you make yourself and your smarty-pants friends
Aviations, in which case you’ll all quickly be even higher than your IQs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-22608741947043039872013-02-15T04:40:00.001-08:002013-02-15T04:40:09.923-08:00The Aviation - a truly beautiful cocktailFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. If you like what you read here, buy the book! It's cheap - under five bucks!<br />
<br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
The Aviation (a
variation on the classic)</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Note: Martini glasses are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">much</i> larger now than they were in the
early 20<sup>th</sup> century. This recipe fills one 2011 glass or two
old-style glasses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1/2 cup of Beefeater gin</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1 tbs. lemon juice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1 tbs. Maraschino </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1.5 tsp. Crème de Violette </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
1/2 tsp. “really” simple syrup–mix
equal parts sugar and water in a jar and shake until the sugar dissolves</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Chill the martini glass(es). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Put all ingredients into a cocktail
shaker and chill in the freezer for 5 or 10 minutes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
Take glass(es) and shaker out, add
a few ice cubes to the shaker, and shake as though your life depended on it.
Strain into the frosty glass(es) and hope that a few shards of ice rise to the
top.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-73774358468356802822013-02-14T07:15:00.003-08:002013-02-14T07:15:51.835-08:00Special Story for Valentine's DayFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol</i>, en eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. If you like this story, but the book! And remember, sports fans, this is <b><i>fiction:</i></b><br />
<br />
<b><i>
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</i></b><br />
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<div align="center" class="MsoTitle" style="text-align: center;">
Jack Fogg Rolls In</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>An afternoon
in June. Under a bright blue dome of a sky, boys paraded around like Speedo
models and dressed accordingly. Cher’s “Believe” wafted through the air from
two different houses, off sync. Since it was only Thursday, our witless but
ever-giggling, wretchedly visible neighbors weren’t in residence yet. In a
blazing stroke of architectural stupidity, our outdoor shower directly
overlooks their deck. I’d done some heavy yardwork, and without the annoying
onlookers—they either cheered or booed depending on the drugs they were on—I
washed off in solitude under our outdoor shower. There’s also a clean shot to
the front gate, which opened, to my horror, just as I was washing my most
rarely-seen-in-public region. Jack Fogg waved a cheery hello, raised his
eyebrows, and disappeared into the house. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Where’s
Sammy?” I asked when we met again upstairs, I having scooted into some gym
trunks, Jack into his standard Madras shorts. “Don’t mention that name,” he
snarled. “Yesterday I caught him—in my own bed—with the Indian delivery boy!” I
tried to look sympathetic, but the mental image was like Spanish Fly. “He had
the balls to tell me he had a craving for chicken vindaloo!’ It’s happened
before. Sammy’s insatiable. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But the
delivery boy?!</i>”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Classic!
Harvard ’89 was offended not by Sammy’s cheating but by the trick’s caste! I
said nothing but “You want a drink?” “Sure—what are you mixing?” “I dunno.
Let’s see what we have.” I found some bourbon while Jack leaned into the open
refrigerator. “Voila!” A hand emerged clutching a plastic lemon. “If there’s
sugar I’ll make bourbon sours.” “Snap to!” I barked. My command pulled Jack out
of the fridge with a faint blush. “Syrup! Not sugar!” “Yes, sir,” he replied,
his cheeks reddening, and swiftly made us the most enormous bourbon sours I’ve
ever seen. Sours go in 5-ounce glasses. Jack Fogg’s required 12-ounce tumblers.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
I plunked down on the couch. Jack Fogg
plunked down right next to me. We clinked. “Cheers!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I still
harbor a robust jealousy toward Jack Fogg. He’s well built and handsome and an
Ivy League A-lister, whereas I’m Shrimp Boy from a two-bit town north of
Pittsburgh who went to a college nobody’s heard of. But there I was in gym
trunks getting blotto next to an equally shirtless Jack Fogg, who, noticing
that I kept glancing at his blond chest hair, actually flexed. “These things
are mighty fine!” I declared after emptying my glass.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Which?” he said with a leer. “The drinks or my pecs?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in; text-justify: inter-ideograph;">
Time began to careen: Jack returning with
two more flagons of bourbon sours… guzzling them while rating our housemates’
dicks…Jack’s hand stroking my inner thigh…My head was spinning but the rest of
me remained in firm control as I grabbed his wrists and leaned into him with
enough force to pin him on his back with his arms over his head. Miracles occurred.
Then I urged him onto his belly. So much shorter am I than he, I accessed his
entire backside with ease and pulled down his Madras shorts, revealing his
fuzzy perfection. Reader, I porked him.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-59944858507803463932013-02-12T06:58:00.002-08:002013-02-12T06:58:59.073-08:00The Zombie - a recipe for obliterationFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. If you like what you read here, buy the damn book!<br />
<br />
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<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Zombie</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 oz. white rum</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 oz. golden rum</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1 oz. dark rum</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1/2 oz. fruit brandy </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3/4 oz. pineapple juice</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3/4 oz. papaya juice</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lime juice to taste</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">151-proof rum to float on top</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; mso-bidi-font-family: "Plantagenet Cherokee"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Pour all ingredients into a
cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake, then strain into a Collins glass (a
tall, usually straight-sided tumbler) filled with cracked ice. Float the 151
rum on top by inverting a spoon over the glass and slowly pouring a thin stream
of 151 over the back of the spoon.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-column-break-before: always; mso-special-character: line-break;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-60816492576556675262013-02-11T07:56:00.001-08:002013-02-11T07:56:11.658-08:00Snobs try to develop drink recipeFrom <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for kindle, nook, and iBooks. If you like what you read here, buy the book! It's cheap!<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Six
of us were lined up in beach chairs judging the gym rats on parade at the
water’s edge. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Why
does that guy have ‘Bondi’ printed on his ass?” I inquired. “I love <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Make Way for Tomorrow</i>, too, but it’s a
strange film to be referenced on a musclehead’s butt.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It’s
not Beulah Bondi, darling. It’s Bondi Beach in Australia.” This came from my
partner, Dan, who then turned on me: “Did you hear what Dr. Film Studies just
said?” he trumpeted to the others, who made snorting noises at my expense. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jack
Fogg yawned, stretched, and said, “Let’s make Long Island Iced Tea.” “You <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">would </i>drink that,” his boyfriend Sammy
replied.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jack
became defensive: “What’s wrong with Long Island Iced Tea?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“People
will think we’re from Massapequa,” Chipper explained.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Or
Hicksville,” Paolo added. “Can you imagine saying you’re from Hicksville? You
might as well be from East Jesus.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
agreed. “We’re making ‘Fire Island Iced Tea’ because we’re on Fire Island, not
Long Island.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“What’s
in it?” Sammy asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“We’re
inventing it,” I declared. “What should be in our drink?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Lots
of fruits,” said Dan.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And lots of alcohol,” Paolo added.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“It
needs a fire component,” Chipper said. “What’s tastes hot?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I
had an inspiration: “Absolut Peppar!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Chipper
got into the spirit(s): “And Citron for the fruit. And Orange <span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 200%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Curaçao</span>.
And your inevitable lime juice.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Why
do you always have Orange Curaçao?” asked Jack, the reporter. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was prone to interviewing people, which
irritated me, so I answered, “Because Blue Curaçao turns an orange Screwdriver
the color of vomit.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Aha,”
said Jack, buying my made-up reason. I’m dementedly jealous of Jack, so I put a
notch on the Ed vs. Jack scoreboard I keep in my head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Michelangelo’s
David strolled by. “What can we add to represent him?” Dan asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Coke
Zero!” Sammy shouted to our communal delight. The poor, perfect hunk thought we
were laughing at him and glared. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We
tried a few recipes before we found one that worked, which meant we were
hammered by dinnertime. I grilled the Lemon-Dill Lamb-burgers to death. Dan
burned the buns. But Paolo, always under control, pulled off a lovely Caprese
Salad, and since we bought a peach pie from the grocery, dessert was fine.
“Where do these great pies come from?” I once asked the Long Island teenager
behind the counter. “Poh’t Jeff!” she answered, meaning Port Jefferson. The
accent alone proved why we had to have an “Iced Tea” of our own.</div>
Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6959283609134500935.post-46007003364910736152013-02-08T06:39:00.003-08:002013-02-08T06:39:38.258-08:00"...another Vodka Stinger!"From <i>The Boys' and Girls' Little Book of Alcohol, </i>an eBook available for Kindle, nook, and iBooks.... If you like what you read, buy the book! It's dirt cheap - less than $5!<br />
<i> </i><br />
<i>
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</i><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The Vodka Stinger - C<span style="line-height: 200%;">lassic Version</span>
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1 part Absolut</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1 part white crème de menthe (Do
not under any circumstances use the green variety; show some respect for the
classics, kids.)</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>The Vodka Stinger - </span><span style="line-height: 200%;">My Own Less Candy-Like Variation</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;">4 parts Absolut</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;">1 part white crème de menthe</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Ice. Cocktail shaker. Old Fashioned
glasses, martini glasses, or even brandy glasses—just give it some style.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Palatino; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<i> </i>Ed Sikovhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15746101080705991277noreply@blogger.com